I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
