You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
This is classic penis vs brain.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
