Just mADE A PArabola og urine
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
