I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Randomize
