I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
i will never coherently bang her
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize