I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
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