if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
And then he peed in my hair
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