Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Randomize
