Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
