We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
