My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
