Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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