I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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