Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
