Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize