I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
