dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
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