I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
