apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Randomize
