I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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