i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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