Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Randomize