I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize