Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
