I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Randomize
