He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
