i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
