Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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