I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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