Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
