you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Randomize
