My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
