And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Randomize
