here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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