i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
