"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
