Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
