Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Randomize
