my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Randomize
