Plan B is the new Plan A
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
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