that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
