WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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