Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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