I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
please don't ironically join a cult
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