Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
