call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
