Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Come share oat with me in your robe
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Randomize
