Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
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