I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
