Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize
