i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
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