Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
