I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
