Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Randomize
