We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
