Please, let me fuck your mom
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
Randomize
