i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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