If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
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