now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
