In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
