i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Randomize
