It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
