Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Randomize
