can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
