put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
