'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
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