I'm jealous of your bromance
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
