My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
