I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
