i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
