I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
