girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
