I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
