Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
even my farts smell like vagina
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
